Other Titles for this post that would have been equally valid
Max Payne – sure was
With a name like Max Payne, what did he really expect
Max Lame
Watched “Max Payne” over the weekend, if you are thinking of doing the same DON’T.
Maybe the problem is that it is based on a videogame, but not really, because the videogame has a well defined, even understandable plot, while the movie suffers in almost every area, but please let me start with the most obvious, the plot does not make sense.
I do not mean that there are bits here and there that are maybe a stretch, or that I have to suspend my disbelief about any of the plot devices used. I have had no trouble believing that trees could walk and talk (Lord of the Rings), or that aliens left a star gate here are earth that is capable of traveling incredible distances, to where more humanoids dwell (Stargate), or that it is possible that machines will somehow rule the world in the future (Terminator, Matrix etc). No, I mean there was really no thought given to what the plot actually was.
Big Problems
1) Mona appears to be connected to the underworld, maybe? She appears to have contacts and some measure of influence, yet …this is not really clearly shown or expanded upon. It is clear under the circumstances which our main character meets her that she will be back later, because of her sister, but other than looking cute in leather with a gun, the character just seems to be there to point our protagonist toward a dead end, and one other thing I will mention later.
2) The sister (Natasha), Russian, clearly a drug user and thief, who may have died of an overdose related drug hallucination, or was murdered by tattoo face guy…dies to bring main character together with Mona, and to get Max back in touch with his old partner, she had stolen Max’s wallet before her demise.
3) The tattoos: Wings on the forearm…We get to visit a tattoo shop that has a bible looking book on Norse mythology for the answer to what the tattoos mean…OK, this fits in real well when we find out the drug (a suspiciously similar to Robocop blue liquid syrup) is called Valkyrie …but really, as far as I can tell the only reason for the tattoos is for Max’s ex partner to end up dead, and for the tie to the drug company to be complete.
4) In the videogame Max Payne transfers into the DEA after his wife and child are murdered, in the movie he goes to the boring cold case room to be a glorified file clerk…YAWN.
5) The many quasi red herrings…Owen, Lupino, BB…BB is supposed to the Big Bad guy…but, and this is big, the person ultimately responsible is left alive at the end…so why does the movie not address the obvious problem with the head big bad lady getting away?
6) Mona is warned away from Max by some type of black Cajun dude, who she seems to know from whatever her nefarious dealings are, but he warns her off Payne, because “his judgement day is coming”????WTF
7) A little deus ex machina, OK, I mean it was bound to happen, but could someone please explain to me how Mona showed up (during Max’s Valkyrie trip) to save him at the pharmaceutical company? At no time was she aware that he would head there, the last she knew he was heading to confront Lupino…and if she had been watching when he took the dive and was left for dead, she would have either helped him, or thought he was dead, not just magically appear where he is…did she fucking lo-jack him? And if so when?
8) So this Valkyrie shit is supposed to make soldiers somewhat indestructible, and in (1%) of the population it works, but the rest of the people just go crazy and the shit is highly addictive, (OK, fine), but if the guy who had been taking it steady for 3 years (Lupino), gets shot with a single bullet and this kills him…but when Max is on the drug, he gets shot so that his whole left side should be paralyzed, but he just keeps going, with no issue.
Small Problems
1) The missing contents from the file from Michelle’s Home office? How do you pack up a bunch of shit and not notice that the files are empty?
2) The storage area for filing: All properly labelled etc. but, when Max goes home there seems to be stuff still left in the bedroom…I do not know why this bugs me so much, more like OK, so you could pack up everything except where your wife and child were killed…but wouldn’t you have had to clean up the blood and stuff anyway, since they are not there later? Also, you just kept the house?
3) Cold Case File Clerk…how does that keep you with your hand on the pulse?
4) Winter to Spring/ Night to Midday at the end of the film (WRETCH)
5) Who the fuck is Mona?
6) The taking of the drug in the first place, apparently an excellent cure for hypothermia…but he still is delusional and while it is kind of pretty to watch it does not make a lot of sense why everyone’s hallucinations are in essence the same
7) “Building his army” here there is some sort of deamonification of the Lupino character…but again, it is not developed enough, meaning there are too many questions about that poorly constructed character as well.
8) BB is Max’s father’s old partner…telling you this worn cliché, well after you have met Max and BB, and BB tells this to someone else, it seems like an afterthought.
9) When Max’s ex partner shows up (you know, so that when he dies you can feel …nothing), he sound his siren, rather than just honking (jerk off).
All in all
0/10 *
BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
